Finally Graduated

The title says it all.  I feel almost as good as when I finished undergrad.  It's a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders, but there is so much still going on that I feel like I can't relax yet.  My parents coming in for my graduation ceremony has been great this weekend, I always look forward to getting to spend time with them.  They have been really uplifting and encouraging.  I hate for them to have to drive all the way from Texarkana to Starkville and back this weekend and then have to make the trip again  a week or two later when Langston is born.  They will, of course, say that they don't mind at all, but that 6h 30m drive isn't really all that fun.

Mom and Dad surprised me with a graduation present disguised as a baby gift the night I graduated.  It was an octagon barrel, lever action .45 colt Henry Repeating rifle (a.k.a Henry Big Boy).  I haven't had a chance to fire the rifle yet, but the feel of this gun is fantastic.  The heavy octagon barrel is going to be great for reducing recoil and allowing quick target acquisition.  This gun is a true cowboy classic.  I love it.

As we are just two weeks from Emily's due date, the excitement and tension are high.  I sort of expected to feel nervous and unsure of myself.  That's how I'm supposed to feel right?  I know less than nothing about kids, much less babies.  Being nurturing also isn't exactly my strong suite.  Still, I don't really feel all that nervous.  I don't know if it is just because I haven't thought about it enough, I'm in denial of how difficult it is going to be, or if I just tend not to worry about things.  I wonder what most expecting fathers feel at this point in the pregnancy.  Nervous, anxious, excited, terrified, nonchalant?  I do think a lot about what is going on with me and my life.  I focus quite a bit on the new house, my health, my new job, my relationship with Christ, and my relationship with Emily.  That sure is a lot of focus on me.  I hope that it's not just that I am selfish.  My biggest prayer right now is that God will grant me a heart of selflessness and prepare me to be a father.  As gay as it sounds sometimes I wish it were easier, as a man, to know what I am actually feeling.  I do know that I am very much happy about my new 'son to be'.  I just hope that I am ready for this.

God bless everyone for their prayers.